Have you ever felt like your life just isn’t that way it should be? Like you have this image in your head of who you are and who you want to become and those two things just feel like their never going to meet? I personally have multiple goals that i want to achieve in my lifetime; I want to publish my own book, travel the world, move into my own home, have dogs (so, so, so, so many dogs) and achieve my own independence as a human being; and of I’m ever feeling particularly confident in myself and self-esteem maybe even make a Youtube channel one day. Yet, I find myself in a place that is seemingly going nowhere, yes; I am in university going towards achieving a bachelor’s degree and possibly even a masters; and yes, I have started writing something (which is far from anywhere near being ready to be read) and yes, I have this blog here where i can express my passions to people who are like minded. But i feel as if I’m stuck forever int his situation without any capability of moving forward. I see people going to different continents and finding love, moving out and starting off in their dream careers whereas my life remains stagnant and the most exciting thing I experience is getting a good mark back on an assignment.
Am I just in this stagnant state of living which needs to remain unchanging until i have finished my degree and then I can successfully start living my life? Or am I missing all the important things that people are experiencing and that I am going to one day regret not doing? I do have these moments of bright possibility in which i start planing what I am going to do once I graduate; but these are all infringing on the decisions and judgements of others. Is that any way to live? should I be out there gripping life by the horns and living every moment to the fullest at the possible suffering of my grades (which believe me would happen) or is the safest route to just bide my time until I am academically free and then live in a state of permanent Carpe Diem? At least until my feet need to touch the ground again.
Maybe some things are meant to be waited for so that when I do eventually experience them I can do so would without the stress of academia sitting on my back like an unfortunate squatter. Or perhaps its not a case of either/or. Maybe I can do little bits of both, I can take whatever free time I have to follow my stationary passions and when i am free from Academic expectations I can take flight around the globe and take some career risks? Is that the way to go?
This stereotype of the ‘golden age’ of living is really an atrocious expectation to live up to. Shows need to stop perpetuating this culture of partying and stupidity experienced at a peak young age, do they writers ever stop to consider that not everyone like that kind of thing? Personally, the idea of dancing like a moron in a hot, sweaty, claustrophobic space with drunk idiots feeling me up like I am a prized pig… holds no pull on me, I’d personally rather sit on a beach, in a hammock, in the sun with a really good book. I don’t find anything appealing about getting drunk, having one-night-stands and wearing shoes that I am going to regret. And according to popular culture and media this makes me a freak? Why? Does youth really need to be immature, stupid and crazy to really be properly experienced? Can’t you live a quiet life and not regret it? Sure, some crazy could be cathartic. But is it necessary to be done through crazy and dangerous actions? Couldn’t someone just get culturally and spiritually lost in a city and be experiencing youth? Or even following their own passions that are more of an academic value? Is it really necessary to have crazy stories about stupidity to be considered as having “lived your life to the fullest”.
I hope not, as otherwise I might seriously consider becoming a hermit.
Thanks for listening/ reading to my small rant.
Til Next Time,